How many of us have been asked at family functions about marriage and babies? I bet a fair share of you have your hands up. At this point, it seems like a cultural norm to ask people about deeply personal things because the concept of personal boundaries isn’t very clear. It’s almost as if they need to fill the silence with what seems like small talk to them but in reality, isn’t any of their damn business anyway.

via GIPHY

Having children is a personal and private matter and should be treated so. Although, it is understandable why people actually ask this question because we were taught to follow the whole find a partner, get married and have a kid’s routine. But just because we’ve been taught it for years doesn’t mean it’s the norm! Having children is a lifelong commitment that takes tremendous amounts of time and work. It’s not a decision one should be pressurised into because the world needs them to fit a certain mould. Because once the child is born the people asking the questions won’t be paying the bills or being responsible for every life-altering decision regarding the child’s life and well-being.

via GIPHY

Parenthood should not be some proverbial band-aid to solve life’s pressure or any marital issues. Things don’t magically improve when a child is born, if anything it can worsen existing problems. I further illustrate below why it’s an awful idea to ask this truly intrusive question.

via GIPHY

1) Infertility

Can be either partner’s issue and it can breed insecurity and hostility in the partnership.

2) Abortion

It could have been one that they chose to get or one wherein giving birth would be dangerous for the mother or child.

3) Miscarriages

A common occurrence in pregnancies and cause a great deal of pain to both partners.

4) Reproductive Health Issues

When trying a lot of couples discover that there is a delay in conception because of their reproductive health issues. This can cause emotional and financial drain eventually causing a strain on the marriage.

5) Mental & Emotional Readiness

A lot of times couples aren’t emotionally or mentally ready to take on the responsibility of having a child. That is totally fine because not everyone’s road map for life needs to look alike.

6) Physical Readiness

Having a baby means the body goes through a ton of changes that one cannot control. Some just aren’t ready to take on the process.

8) Financial Readiness

Couples plan ahead of time when discussing bringing a child into their world. It’s a good way to go about it because having a child means an increase in expenses and one needs to be able to account for unforeseen circumstances too.

9) Not Wanting To Have Kids

A personal choice that people come to after a lot of thinking. assuming you can change their mind after one conversation is a fruitless experience so best to avoid it.

10) None Of Your Business

if you like to ask others when they’re having kids, it’s time to stop that. It’s rude, insensitive, and disregards people’s privacy

The reality is that if people want kids, they will work on having kids. They won’t need you to make a case for them. And if you don’t know how to make small talk, you can always ask about their interests, where they work, their goals and dreams because it’s not like a person’s identity revolves around having children. One can be successful and happy with and without. Wanting to grow the family is a conscious choice and shouldn’t come from any external pressure. And you need not judge someone who may or may never have kids. All paths in life are different and there’s nothing wrong with choosing something that suits one’s preferences.

via GIPHY

Join the Girl Tribe by MissMalini to be a part of more such conversations. Explore the app!